Gaming, social media and our kids

Gaming addiction in children is a hotly debated topic in education and parenting circles right now. Parents approach me quietly, often fearful of judgement from other parents who aren’t locked into battle with children who want ‘just one more game’ and who become resentful, angry and even violent when their devices are removed. 

It’s not only gaming that is an issue. Social media use is also concerning parents, with many children becoming secretive and withdrawn as a result of online interactions. 

Navigating appropriate device use was difficult enough prior to remote learning, but with children home indefinitely and screens essential for class instruction, it’s become an issue in nearly every household. 

Below are some of the concerns parents and teachers have raised with me during the period of remote learning. 

Gaming

Concerns about gaming revolve around the amount of time children are spending gaming, the level of violence of the games, inappropriate or grooming interactions with strangers and being introduced to gambling. 

For some families, concerns are raised about gaming addiction or ‘gaming disorder’.  A diagnosis of gaming disorder comes after observing long term compulsive gaming at the exclusion of all other activities. Children’s thinking and conversations revolve around gaming even when not playing, and removing their console negatively impacts them and those around them - including escalation to violent behaviour. 

Social Media Use

Parents tend to be less concerned about social media use than gaming, but the risks can be just as great. 

Social media use in primary school children tends to be through apps such as Snapchat, TikTok and Instagram.  Social media use in children has been linked to bullying, child sexual abuse grooming, the manufacture of child exploitation material, and exposure to violent content such as live instances of physical child abuse, suicide, murder, and animal abuse. Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM) has skyrocketed globally since March and much of it is being produced by children themselves while they are at home. 

Social media use in young children can also impact self-esteem as children compare themselves to the carefully curated and photoshopped lives of others. 

Anonymous Question Apps

Apps like Whisper and ask.fm allow people to comment anonymously on another person. These apps speak directly to self-esteem, as a person will post a question and encourage followers to respond anonymously. When used kindly, responses bolster a person’s self-esteem with positive feedback. However, most of the time users hide behind anonymity to deliver cruel pronouncements on the person’s looks, abilities and personality. 

Addressing Concerns 

It’s hard to rewind decisions already made about screen usage, and I’m not going to recommend that you throw the Xbox out or delete all your child’s non-school related apps immediately. 

What I want to talk about first is children’s developmental needs and how it’s been difficult to meet those under current conditions, in order to help you understand why your child may be escalating their risky online behaviours. 

Below is a graphic showing the needs that all people must have met for healthy development. Education professionals look to these five outcomes in their curriculum and wellbeing programs and parents often do this instinctively and as part of family or community tradition. However, COVID and quarantine regulations have disrupted the many ways that parents meet their child’s different needs. 

Now is a good time to reflect on each of these five outcomes and whether they are present in your child’s life or whether your child is looking to have them met online. 

Once you have reflected on what needs your child is having met online, it’s time to think about how those needs can be met offline. This is easier said than done when children are essentially living physically isolated lives away from peers and extended family. It’s also difficult to meet their physical exercise needs during a time when we can only exercise outside our homes for one hour a day, particularly for children living in homes without gardens. 

You need to be creative in how you can meet these needs. Here are a few examples to get you started: 

Next steps 

Once you have identified what needs your child is looking to have met online and have introduced other ways of catering to those needs. It’s time to address their device usage. You can use the following steps as a guide. 

1: Identify what your greatest concerns are with device usage 

2: Ask your child if they have any concerns and listen without judgement 

3: Come up with a tech agreement with your child that addresses both of your concerns, and make it realistic so you can…

4: Stick to it!

5: Have your child keep a mood diary for a couple of weeks. Have them rate their mood before and after every activity including gaming/social media, physical exercise and all the new activities you have introduced. 

6: Model the behaviour you have requested of your child

If you have decided to keep the games/social media that your child is using, ensure that you have a really good understanding of how it works. I speak with many parents who proudly tell me they have no idea how Snapchat works. But if your child was a really good basketballer, you would work hard to understand the game. Gaming and other tech use is no different. If you want your child to open up to you about what’s happening online, you need to show that you’re willing to listen. 

Understand who they are interacting with online. How many followers do they have? Do they really know them all in real life? Where did the others come from? 

At some stage, your child will require online privacy. Use this window before that time to sit with them and look at how they are interacting online. Ask questions about how they speak to others and vice versa. 

Remember that most social media platforms require users to be 13 to have an account, and many of the games are rated R18+ due to the level of violence involved. While engaging in violent play will not make a good kid violent, there is increasing evidence that this constant exposure desensitises children to verbal and physical violence; not only towards other people, but also towards themselves.

Addressing Gaming Disorder 

Gaming Disorder has been classified as a disease in the World Health Organisation’s International Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD).

It’s important to note that a diagnosis of Gaming Disorder is not made on the amount of screen time a person has, but on the impact of gaming on the person’s life.

I want to differentiate this from other concerns around gaming, as the approach to resolving the issue is different. 

Unlike addressing other tech use concerns, children with gaming disorder will not respond to an introduction of alternate activities with a gradual decrease in screen time. They often need to stop gaming completely for a period of time.  

If you are concerned about your child’s gaming attachment, please seek professional support from your GP. 

For more information and support visit the eSafety website.